“Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise.” ~ Maya Angelou

Anyone who’s read this website at all for the past couple of weeks has, I’m sure, gotten the strong impression that I’ve been sick. Obnoxiously so, actually, because it’s been one post after another of some serious whining — one post after another to comemorate my one sickness after another.

And let me set the record straight: Yeah — I think it’s just as weird as anyone else does. And I find it just as annoying.** Moreso, in fact, because it’s my life that’s being interrupted and my bank account that’s dwindling in the face of doctor’s office visits and medications. But I am assured that there is no underlying illness or condition responsible for this string of The Sick; it’s apparently just “stress” and “not taking care” of myself.

And all because I thought I could really do something for myself by taking on these two internships.  Go figure.

To say that I’m frustrated would be a complete understatement. Last year was clearly pretty rough on me, and I’m not sure I’ve even fully recovered, as yet. It’s been so long. It’s felt so long. The time itself has flown by, but I’ve been chomping at the bit to just be better, and that has yet to really happen. I’ve had my moments, don’t get me wrong, but I’m still operating on 60% of my usual energy.

So here I am… Fresh out of sick days to take at work, looking at a (somewhat disjointed) Personal Leave because I just can’t keep up the pace. Because I need to get better. Because if I have to start one more course of antibiotics, I might really lose my crap. And nobody likes the girl who cries in the pharmacy line at Rite Aid, let’s be honest.

Part of me knows better than to feel like a little bit of a failure; there’s another part of me that just can’t help it. I tried so hard… And while I don’t regret a moment of it, I know in my heart that trying to keep up this pace for the summer just isn’t the right thing to do. I feel like my body’s trying to tell me that I’m concentrating, now, on the wrong aspects of my life. And I think that’s okay. I think I’ve covered enough ground in the past few months to be able to take a break. I just have to navigate my way through the next couple of weeks, harvest that me-time and start focusing on — oh, let’s just say it, cheese and all — the parts of my spirit that need repair.

I’ve been looking for a little bit of help, and I’ve found bits and pieces in a few (unlikely for me) places…

* Eat, Pray, Love I got really annoyed, yesterday, when I overheard a customer telling another customer that this book was such a “light, easy read that really doesn’t take much thought at all — and then she finds love!” Listen, I know this book took the Soccer Mom demographic by storm last year, but that doesn’t disqualify it from being actually thought-provoking, thank you very much. Liz Gilbert is a wonderful writer — she’s extremely witty and yes, she delivers everything with an ease and lightness that is completely engaging, but you get out of this memoir what you put into it. The author is a harried, Western woman trying to align her life with Eastern spiritual principles; it’s a great way to ease yourself into the process of looking for guidance.

* Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner This book is absolutely a classic. My copy, in fact, has a cover I can’t even find anymore. While I don’t currently consider myself a follower of any one religion, I’ve always come back to this book as a way to remind myself of the basic principles I stand by.

* 20 Something, 20 Everything I stumbled upon this book while straightening the Self Improvement section, and I’ll be honest — I have no idea, yet, if it’s worth the read, but I fell in love with the cover. (How peaceful does she look?) I’m only about 30 pages in, but so far, at least, this book is hitting on a lot of the stresses and pressures I and a lot of the other twenty-something women I know are feeling.

So if it looks like I’m in the middle of three books at once — I am! Because I can do nothing simply.

I’ve also started a container garden. I’m keepin’ it real, eco-Wiccan style. Yo.

Who knows if any of this will work… But I can only keep going from here, right?

Goodness.

** It always seems funny, to me, that some people feel so entitled as to judge someone else’s situation this way. Someone made the comment to a friend recently that I’m “always” sick — to which this friend took offense, on my behalf, because she sensed the condescension and is a right lovely girl, to boot. But really? Where does that person even get off commenting??