The little vampire, originally uploaded by Mad-Eye Melissa.

This is Edward. Or Bella. Or Rosalie. Or just, as I’ve been calling him, Pumpkin. The Wretched Little Vampire.

But really, how could you look at that face and think “wretched” when you’ve got roughly 60,000 painful scratches all over your hands, arms and belly, and a wicked bite mark on your knuckle? …Oh, wait.

Actually, though, I am kind of in love with that face, and the sleepy eyes that kept closing tighter and tighter as I whispered, “S’all good, little vampire kitten! You are going to have the best little life ever! Go sleepies.” (Because “go sleepies” is a cure-all of a phrase, in case you didn’t know. So now you do.)

I had a girly day, today, complete with eight minutes in a tanning bed, a manicure and a trip to the mall, where I used my Express gift card. I had decided to do a lap or two around H&M when my phone rang. “Why’s Alicia calling me?” I thought. “Hope everything’s okay…”

As it turns out, her husband had discovered a litter of stray kittens behind an old (closed) restaurant , and she was calling to enlist my help in rounding them up.

I snatched this one out of a tree, and let me tell you, it was not all “awwwe’s” and cooing. The little bastard put up one hell of a fight. I respect that, actually.

My first instinct was to leave the kittens to their mom, but the others of the litter had disappeared; this little guy was either left behind, or he had lost his way. People in the neighborhood who stopped to watch (watch and laugh. Notice how I didn’t say “help.”) urged us to find all we could and get them out of there; they said it was kind of a rough neighborhood, people AND animal-wise, and the little ones probably wouldn’t last long. This guy looks like he’s lasted a solid 8 weeks, but who am I to turn my back on a kitten that’s gotten himself stuck in a tree? Because he did. And he was *wailing.* And I’m a TOTAL SUCKER.

He’s with Alicia and her daughter at their house tonight, and tomorrow we’ll see about getting him the appropriate care and shots. We’ll also see about getting Alicia and I the appropriate care (and shots!), because we were both bitten. I got it easy, next to her; he clamped his little teeth down and would not let go. Her scream brought the woman in the closest house running outside in a panic. It was actually pretty hilarious.

Stay tuned for Crazy Kitten updates… For now, it’s off to finish the work I didn’t do while I was traipsing around amongst broken liquor bottles and Whatchamacallit wrappers. …People who litter SO suck.